apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I understand Curling. That high.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
