shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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