I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize