It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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