Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize