um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
