fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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