Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
