I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When are your genitals available?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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