Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
