no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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