The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
