The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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