i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
