My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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