I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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