I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
