somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
