I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
