Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
The ass gains better be worth it
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
