am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There's always time for handjobs
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
