once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
