can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
