I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
