Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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