Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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