you would pick up someone in the library
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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