I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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