The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
