There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
