Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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