Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
