If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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