I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
