I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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