I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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