how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
