walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
