the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We left the knife in your bed.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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