people are starting to question the shark bite story
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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