When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
