Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
