Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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