If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
