WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
