Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
