do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize