I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
