Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
