hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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