Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I supernannyed him into submission
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
