we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
