Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
