Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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