This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
