Nicole vs. Life
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
