glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I cockslap morals
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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