Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
