I'm pants shitting drunk right now
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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