Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
