no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
