All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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