quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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