When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
