I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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