Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
