She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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