What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
