Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
