Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
being pregnant is like rehab
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
